Before starting my answer, let me tell you something. This is coming from a girl who has wasted a hell lot of years.
Little background:
School topper. Family suggested to do CA. Given entrance cleared,
intermediate cleared. Till the time i got into finals i realised,
mugging sections, managing accounts, not for me. I am creative person.
Sounds simple??
NO! I kept on failing in the
finals. requested my family every time to let me do some good post
graduation course of my interest. Failed again, requested again. This
went on for 6 years! yes.. In which i could have done a PG thrice and
happily. Also CA results are 2% in the finals. No matter how hard i
tried, i couldn't get through. My family, My native people used to say i
went out of hands, i am spoiled or may be i am into guys!! I pleaded
more. I was very young. I dint have the audacity to take any stand on my
own.
But recently last year, I decided to
stop. To stop torturing myself. To stop getting hurt, depressed, feeling
useless. I was just a b.com.
graduate by then. I started doing small jobs which could fetch me
enough money only to bear my petty expenses. Although again people in my
family would abuse me for putting their reputation on stake by doing
such kind of jobs. They just want me to get married now.
I always wanted to be a radio jockey. Or someone very creative.
I lost the very golden years of my youth. When it was time to make
love, party hard, try new dresses, explore new places and most
importantly, go to college. Yes CA is not a degree course so no college.
I used to regret each day, what if i had started into RJ course from
the very first day? What if i was into interior design or something like
that. till now would have made a fortune, n here i am letting people
exploit me for small jobs! I gained weight, In between got engaged n it
broke. I couldn't handle things. I got depressed. I felt alone. I live
in another city, i stopped going home in vacations. Nobody cared. Why?
Because i couldn't complete CA!
Fast Forward Today: I
am still doing those petty jobs, trying to be something. But one thing I
have understood. Thinking again and again about wasting a total of 8
years would not give me those years back. It would do nothing except for
making me more sad. Seeing how others are doing so well and I being
super potent couldn't achieve anything. I have made peace with myself,
because that’s what matters, its the only bottom line.
I
am still the same, but i have learned to let go. And only you can do
this for yourself. No one else would. Look around, people have worse
situations than ours. What you have is the time from this moment. Do
you want it to increase your count of wasted years? Everyday, we are
better off than we were yesterday....atleast got some learning.is that not enough.???
Stop wandering ....stop too much thinking, and start living.
Sometimes letting go is easier than holding on.
(Source : Shivani Mehta's email)
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